An Invitation to Know Me

Hello Everyone!  Let me start by saying this is a bit long.  So you may just want to grab a cup of coffee and settle in for a bit.

Here’s the short story: As October 11th is National Coming Out Day today, I figured it’s the perfect day to share that I’m gay.

I realize those of you reading that last line are entering my story at different places. Some of you have known this for quite some time.  Others of you haven’t heard this from me, but are not surprised at all--yep, I’ve had my fair share of “finally, you figured it out” comments. :)  And for many of you I know this truth will come as a tremendous shock.  I can appreciate each of these realities, as this has been a 5-6 year process for me personally.  Though I in no way expect you to come to a place of peace with this immediately, I thank you for ‘listening’ to a piece of my story through these written words.

I’ve been asking myself for quite some time—do I really need to come out in some sort of public forum?  I mean the people who are walking close beside me in my day-to-day life have known for quite awhile.  Besides, it’s not like straight people ever have to make a declaration of their sexual orientation (or have even contemplated the question “how do I know I’m straight” for that matter).  But I’ve thought this over for a long time.

Most importantly, rather than hearing this news through the grapevine I’d prefer you hear from me directly.  It is my sincere hope that you would recognize my heart beneath these words.  This wasn't an easy decision; I definitely counted the cost.  But here are a few reasons why the cost would be too great not to share.

Why come out you ask?

To Live My Truth:

As I mentioned—I wrestled with this truth for many years.  I fought it.  It haunted me.  I felt at a place of dissonance for a long time, knowing this was honest, but still unable to accept it.  Over the past several years I've had to embrace some deep soul searching (read wrestling, crying, praying, seeking counsel, more wrestling, insomnia, reading, did I mention wrestling?).  And one fact remained: it.is.still.true.  This isn't going away.

I believe to dare greatly we need to speak our truth, even if our voice shakes.  I am now at a place of peace in sharing this, which in and of itself is an incredible marker in this journey.

To be Authentically Known:

I would rather you know me and choose to part ways for who I am, than for you to like me for who I am not.  Everyone wants to be known at an authentic level.  Everyone desires friends who are willing to hang in with them when they see the good, bad, and ugly—and who respond to it all with a genuine embrace of love.  From my perspective, that is why we are here. That is our calling.  This is the depth of relationship I will fight for.  That is the quality of life I hope you fight for as well.

To Live Courageously:

When I was as kid I LOVED reading Robin Hood, and the Knights of the Round Table stories were right up my alley.  (I know.  Shocker.)  Secretly I always wanted to be a warrior.  Courage, valor, and bravery were always values to which I aspired.  I see now that I am called to a different kind of battle.  Though sexual orientation is only one piece of a whole person, I still recognize that living this truth means many will disagree and will continue to actively express their concern.  I am identifying with a community who is marginalized, who fights daily for equal rights, who is looked down upon by many, and is labeled and disregarded as “sinful” by many.

For those who think this is a choice (or perhaps one made flippantly), I can assure you it’s certainly not one that I would make knowing the difficulties involved.  This is exactly why I think the LGBT folks I’ve met are some of the most courageous people I’ve known.  They have answered the call to value honesty, integrity, and authenticity ABOVE conformity, comfort, and ease.  They’ve chosen to prioritize finding self over fitting in. I have yet to meet a person who shares that the process of coming out was easy.  For most it is wrought with pain, confusion, rejection, and plain ol’ hard work.  I also have yet to meet a person who does not speak of the freedom and peace found on the other side of this process. Sharing this is vulnerable for me; yet I’ve never thought vulnerability was the way of the timid. It is one of the many courageous characteristics of a warrior.

To Serve as a Bridge:

For those who are less familiar with my story, I come from a conservative Christian background.  I was born on the mission field in Africa.  I attended Christian school my entire life, holding two theology degrees, both undergraduate and graduate.  I worked at a church for nearly 7 years, taught Bible studies, led spiritual retreats, and spoke at various events.  I have a foundation of values and beliefs that I am extremely grateful for as well as parents, family, and friends who love me and whom I love dearly.  With that as my world, you can imagine the disorientation I experienced and the reexamination I’ve gone through these past few years.  I’ve asked and re-asked all the big life questions.  I’ve had to listen, and I mean reeeeeeally listen to arrive at some realities.  And there are still many questions that remain as well.

Here’s the thing, no matter what ‘side of this issue’ we find ourselves, I believe we are called to more—to diminish the sides actually.  To live as a bridge so that one day we push humanity forward and maybe just maybe reach the point where no bridge is needed.  Though it may seem easier to fight or walk away, I truly believe that only love will break down some of the walls we collectively face.  It was love—not logic—that broke down my walls. There are some amazing people on either side of this bridge, and I feel privileged to know both shores.  I don’t know exactly how to span the huge chasm between the LGBT community and “the church”, but if I can serve as a bridge in even a small way, I am willing.

To Extend an Invitation:

For those of you who are curious or have questions, I invite you into a dialogue.  And please note that I deliberately chose the world dialogue rather than debate.  Debates don’t change minds, opinions, or hearts.  Debates lead individuals further apart rather than drawing them together.  For the open hearted, curious, grace-filled, lovers of vulnerability—let’s connect.  As Rumi said so eloquently, “Out beyond the ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field.  I will meet you there.”

To Express my Gratitude:

There have been MANY who have played a big role in supporting me throughout this journey thus far.  Many who prayed for me, cried with me, listened for hours, and continued to remind me that it was going to be ok.  Many I’ve watched from afar who have taught me volumes simply by the way they choose to live their lives.  Though “thank you” doesn’t seem powerful enough to express my gratitude, I say these words with the utmost appreciation, honor, and humility. Thank YOU.

So there you have it, my story of discovery in a few words.  Has it been easy? No.  Would I want to re-live the past few years?  Not really.  Is it worth it? Wholeheartedly YES!

Happy National Coming Out Day Everyone.

With love,

Lynn